


instead of staying up all night wondering where you are

by orphan_account



Series: bekha's birthday drabbles [3]
Category: One Direction (Band), Radio 1 RPF
Genre: M/M, angst but with a happy ending bc i'm a dork woah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-27
Updated: 2013-09-27
Packaged: 2017-12-27 18:39:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/982263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis doesn't think Nick loves him and pulls himself as far out from Nick's life as he possibly can.</p>
            </blockquote>





	instead of staying up all night wondering where you are

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote something extremely similar to this [here](http://ghostdimple.tumblr.com/post/59948386706/imagine-nick-never-says-i-love-you-and-louis-always) and basically just redid it so it's actually gramatically correct? oops  
> this is unbeta'd and the title is taken from if i'm gonna fall in love by a rocket to the moon
> 
> this changed perspective like halfway through oops but idc i like this read it please

Nick has never said I love you to Louis, and Louis always tells himself that it's fine, really, because he doesn't say it either. They will bicker and kiss and spend all day every day together and Louis does know that nick loves him. It's just, sometimes it's hard for Louis to remember that, sometimes he will sit with his head in his hands and wonder if Nick is just lonely, maybe he doesn't love Louis at all. Maybe he's just a warm body to fill up the loneliness.

Louis will stay awake all night wondering if he really means anything to Nick, and every time he does he tries a little harder to be a better boyfriend (Louis finds himself questioning if they're actually boyfriends a lot too) and he will make sure he's up before Nick so that when Nick finally does get out of bed for work there's breakfast already made and all his clothes are warm and soft for him to wear. He'll clean up all the mess he makes around Nick's apartment, making sure never to leave it untidy like he usually would.

He listens to Nick talk on the radio, knowing he won't be able to get back to sleep and choosing instead to mop the floors and clean the kitchen and bathroom, even though Nick won't notice. It makes Louis feel important though, knowing that if it weren't for him Nick would never have clean dishes or a nice home cooked meal, but then he'll hear Nick flirting with someone on his show and it's harmless, he knows it's harmless and he's being stupid because Nick loves him, right?

But Louis thinks about how they never really moved in together, how he just stays over a lot and Nick doesn't tell him to go. He thinks about how Nick has never said 'I love you' or anything close to it, or how Nick doesn't call them boyfriends or even partners (Louis isn't sure if that would be better or worse, really) and he starts to pull away. Makes large amounts of food that can sit in the fridge for a while without going off, exchanges all the clothes he stole over the past few months for the ones that he's left at Nick's house because there was no point in taking them home. 

Made it appear as if he was never there at all, really.

Nick doesn't notice at first, figures Louis is busy with his own things and that's why he's not around as much. But when he goes into Louis' draw to put one of the shirts he found in the laundry in it, all his clothes are gone. They're replaced with all the clothes Louis had stolen, claiming that Nick's jumpers were warmer than his own or that his were dirty and he couldn't possibly where them outside. Nick had always seen through the lies but he never bothered to tell Louis to stop, loved to watch as Louis' hands struggled to find the holes in the end of the arms in his jumpers and let it go.

Eventually he puts the pieces together, realises that Louis hasn't been home in close to three weeks and he starts to worry, because Louis rarely went more than one night without staying the night, not unless they had an argument or Louis was away.

Nick was out the door before he even realized what he was doing, barely noticed he was at Louis' door until he was pounding on it and it opened to show a very confused looking Louis, he felt his heart flutter and he couldn't speak for a second, couldn't do anything but watch and wonder how he hadn't realised that Louis wasn't there.

"Tell me you're not leaving me," his voice cracked somewhere in the middle, Nick hated himself for sounding so pathetic, so broken. But he doubts anyone could lose someone like Louis and not sound pathetic afterwards. He couldn't help the hope that swelled inside of him when Louis shook his head, but he knew Louis didn't look happy and he crushed it down before he could let himself get too happy.

"I'm not leaving you, I'm giving you space to find someone you love. Someone that means as much to you as you mean to me," Nick's eyebrows furrowed as he tried to understand Louis' words, already wanting to pull him close so he never had to hear the sad tone of voice he was using again.

"I don't understand, giving me space?" Louis nodded, smiling sadly and Nick's heart broke more than it already had. He shook his head and practically screamed, "but I don't want anyone else!" Nick took a breath, knowing he was being too loud and nobody else needed to hear him acting this much like a teenage girl over a pretty boy. "You're my everything, I know I don't tell you but I thought you knew, you had to have known?"

Louis' face had progressed from confused to dumbfounded, so Nick stepped closer and cupped his cheeks with his hands, looking straight into Louis' eyes. "I love you, Louis. I don't need, or want, anyone else but you. You're annoying and loud and manage to spread yourself completely over the bed, taking all the blankets while you're at it but I love you, you don't need to go." Nick pressed a soft kiss to Louis' lips, murmuring against them, "understand?" before pulling away enough that they were breathing their own air.

Louis nodded, though still looking slightly confused; like he's not sure if he's awake or dreaming, but he whispers a quiet, "can I come home? It's hard to sleep without you."

"Don't leave this time, yeah? Stay forever?" Nick knew he looked scared, that even after this Louis might say no but the soft smile and nod he got in return made him grin like a loon and pull Louis into a hug, "good."


End file.
